Look to your left and to your right
Look to your left and to your right
At those closest to you
Don’t be fooled to think they too
Are not changing like we are
For better or for worse
And that is a good thing
To continue to evolve and
To never take them for granted
In The Studio
I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately and how it affects our way of thinking, showing up and being in the world.
This has been just as evident and perhaps even more so in my path towards my dreams.
I’m naturally a loner. As mentioned in Truth No. 1, I can spend long hours by myself, absorbed in my own work and creative acts. I get a lot of energy from it.
And to be honest, right now, I don’t have much time for spending a lot of time with friends.
The other day, I met a girl at the supermarket.
I’ve met her a few times in a community gardening group a about 3 years ago. She’s around my age. She exudes a healthy, confident and creative kind of energy I like in people. I could see her and I getting along. We talked about how my hair has grown, how she likes my dress, how she now has a new born baby and a puppy, both of whom are occupying her life (but in a good way).
We both found ourselves saying, “Of course!” In unison and in silent recognition that being in our 30s and assuming responsibilities is a good rite of passage. In that silent recognition, I could sense that she was enjoying this phase of life.
And whilst I didn’t have a newborn or a puppy, starting my creative business, taking care of my mum and family as we go through a divorce, growing my relationship with my boyfriend in a more mature way as he made a big move from the US, has been my rites of passage. And as I continue to enjoy my phase of life, I recognised this in her and I felt really happy for her.
I could see us having quite an enjoyable friendship. But in that moment, I didn’t find myself asking to grab a coffee or to hang out. Neither did she. We were both happy in our own worlds and we said our well wishes and our goodbyes.
People try to find a balance but usually, I think “finding a balance” beyond more than three or four categories of my life makes me dizzy and burnt out. Writing this is very much an act of self acceptance that my energy and time is very much humanly limited. I’ve now reached a stage in my life where I am more decisive and I know what I want.
I will be turning 32 soon so maybe age begins to talk in certain ways as the personal number accumulates.
My friendships usually are intense. We normally don’t see one another and then we might catch up a few times in the year to speak non-stop through varying degrees of topics for about 3 hours or more. Like jazz musicians playing an improvised set, we riff off one another, our thoughts and ideas and our experiences intertwining into a conversation equivalent to the highs and lows of a movie.
This is not for the faint of heart! But meeting up for a coffee with a friend for me does not sound as simple! Maybe it speaks to my own intense nature, filled with deep inner thoughts and need for deep intimacy.
I mean, why am I even here every week committing to share my journey with you if not to, in my own way, let you in?
My childhood friends I had until about 2019 were the type of people I had a lot of fun with. We took trips, we danced, we talked about love, we were silly. But I changed in 2019. I told my friends I needed some time to be alone but most couldn’t understand. I didn’t have a time period of how long I needed to be alone. And in time, some told me that I was being unfair and tried to blame me for being rude.
So eventually, I had to cut off the ties. I invested so much of myself and time into these friendships that up until today, the breakup with them stay with me as some kind of trauma.
But I began growing as a person. Learning about personal development and moving to my own house, I went through a phase of being in communities with like minded people. During that time, I met and reconnected with special souls who helped me heal and express. They were healthier physically and mentally, and more self aware than my previous friends.
And now I feel my whole being change again. And in return, I am finding my needs for friendships are changing. Whilst they are still undefined right now as to exactly what I want or need, in time, I would like friends who are on a similar path like me of creating their own business or career. People who have left the traditional route.
I also imagine my boyfriend Brett and I having couple friends we can relax with. We both have gotten quite good at cooking together and I imagine us having friends around to our place one day for dinner, music and relaxation.
But now I feel like this isn’t the right time for me. I feel ok to be selfish and self-focused and to also be in one place. I think in the process of building and growing one’s business or career, such as mine, it is important to be in one place.
But that is not to say there is some insecurity and fears. For example, I worry about way into the future, perhaps dying alone on my death bed or not having friends to invite or attend my wedding.
I reflect on these fears and I realise they are not mine. These existential kind of fears are perhaps what drives us to spend our time, money and energy in circumstances that are not good for us or for a stage of life we are currently in.
I like that, right now, I am not exposed to too many different thoughts but my own and a selective few. I noticed in catching up with a friend a few weeks ago, after speaking for about three hours, I suddenly got very exhausted and not energised like I used to. I am simply getting older or my energy is quite limited these days.
And I think it is important to listen to our bodies and what they are telling us. The moral of this truth is that I’ve realised my friendships will continually change throughout my life and they will look different. And this is OK.
I am benefitting from every now and then catching up with a musician friend of mine, who is just as committed to his dream, and who knows the demands of this journey. He is equally on a journey of chaos, reorganisation, sometimes lack of sleep, most often receiving this energising satisfaction and feeling that being on this path brings.
I still love and appreciate everyone I know. And on par with this love is the love I have for myself and my dream - a love that seems to grow day by day and helping me see and approach life in a new way.
And that perhaps is also just as important.
I hope your friendships are also serving you in the best possible ways right now. Here is to healthy relationships with ourselves and with other people.
If you are currently feeling the same way as me, as I have repeatedly said before, know that this is perfectly OK. Especially if your heart is in the right place.
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With love,
Win
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