The “moon girl” inside me, and in the not too distant past, was a frightened soul to whom the external world unfolding before her eyes felt far too hot, too cold, too electric, too shocking to commit to in the long run. Over time I learned to build my own inner strength and right now, I am learning to light the spark of my own creativity.
You see, sparking is not the same as inspiration. Sparking is to light the match of my bones and initiate a friction strong enough to ignite what is within my own heart.
It requires that I look into the whispers that have been seducing me for years and to say, “Yes, I believe you now.”
It requires that I distinguish between the voices that I once held as the one and only truth, and dare enough to look at the opposite: that I may be deserving, enough and worth it purely because I am standing and my body is rooted deeply into the ground of this vast world.
Sparking is to meet fear as a passing friend.
Our fears are our courage. Our fears are our source of will power. Our fears are our answers to the prayers in those silent moments where, even without a God, we sit down and have conversations with our dreams, our longings and our imagination.
When we feel fear inside our hearts or when we hear it talking in our minds incessantly, we can recognise that it is only the first step.
That’s why I call it the first point of contact before we take off. Because lately, initiating my own spark means I can no longer purely rely on fear to create that friction. Fear is not strong enough to ignite the light - both yours and mine.
Why? Because it is simply a point.
If I dwell on my fears, it does not allow me to do what must be done.
To walk in the direction of learning and growing.
To walk in the direction of connecting with others in community.
To walk in the direction of a different side of me, waiting to be found and experienced.
If I dwell on my fears, I will never finish a poem, nor a whole book, nor a whole painting, nor even begin the act itself of walking in the direction towards my longings and my dreams.
We can only entertain our fearful thoughts and reactions for so long until it becomes detrimental to allow us to do what must be done - which is to perhaps begin, perhaps to continue walking.
The point of fear and moving past it can feel uncomfortable. In the initial stage, as we do what must be done, we may be shaking, we may be in tears, we may ask, “What have we done!?” We may even surprise ourselves.
The path we must choose is to continue walking anyway after the moment comes in recognising the fear, who only wish to meet us as a passing friend. Then the friction comes, from taking the journey, step by step.
If we believe such an after-moment is possible, then we will also wish to repeat the walk, rather than the perpetual state - of fear.
This is how we will get stronger in igniting our own hearts.
Contemplation
:
What is your relationship with fear over the years?
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